start anew

going into a new situation is always tough

but often you know it's for the best

putting yourself out there, taking a risk

is the best way to get something better than what you have

sure, sometimes you get hurt

but if you don't put yourself out there, you'll never know what could have been

this applies to so many things, but right now

it's for a job

hope it works out

exhaustion

the end of the rope, so tired that waking up just doesn't even seem like a possibility. i've worked myself into a state of near coma, barely waking, barely able to function, God it's like being a zombie. horrible

thankful

tonight, i was told be thankful for the hardships as well as the good things because it gets you to where you are

i could not agree more

i have been through plenty in my young life, but even though a lot of it is still hard for me to deal with i wouldn't change a moment of my life

i would not be the same person without all of the tough things.

and i am still privileged

with a great mother, an amazingly supportive boyfriend, and fabulous friends

i am blessed with all that i have

good and bad

and i can do nothing but be thankful for all that i am today

and all that i have been given

no matter what it is

i can completely

give thanks

for all that i am

and all that i have been gifted with

so thank you

to everyone and everything that has put me where i am at this moment

in this life

love fills my heart

the thing you usually don't want, you need

this isn't exactly the most exciting or pleasant thing to talk about. But waiting for your period, and being paranoid. checking constantly, praying for symptoms, praying for any sign that everything is okay. it makes you want to be celibate, seriously. the stress, the heartache. my God. maybe you should worry maybe you shouldn't, but the one thing you have to do is wait.

sorrow beyond compare

Losing someone close to you, is one of the most difficult things in the world. When you love someone, whether they are family or not, you want to be able to keep them with you forever, for whatever you need them for. How do you really deal with the loss of someone who is such an influential person in your life. How do you keep going when the need for them is so strong, it hurts to get out of bed knowing that that person is no longer walking this earth along side of you? what do you do then? how do you move on and live life the way you used to? it's impossible, it forever marks your existence.

no work please

i just don't want to go to work, i'm tired and not up to making people think that i'm happy to deal with all of the shit that they can dish out. more salad, extra sauce, modify this, modify that. 3 pitchers of peach iced tea. i am not a servant i am a server, there is a difference. i get that i'm supposed to do my best to make the people at my tables happy, but there is still common manners. things don't materialize out of thin air, things don't generally get ready in two minutes, servers aren't miracle workers!

frustration

loving life

everything is going well, the point of great. getting to start something good.

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/joy-49/

the cards you're given

sometimes, no matter how hard you try to alter the cards on the board, the hand they dealt you is all you have. the cards just aren't good enough. there is no way to switch, or change what you've got in your hand, because it belongs to you and it owns you at the same time. it's what you have.

looking up

it's amazing how much can be accomplished once you are determined to do it

for a while i've had goals and set them, and let them fall by the wayside

determination is key

that's always been obvious

but i'm a creature of habit

content to be in one place because of familiarity and the natural quality of staying dormant.

but once determination truly sets in, and being comfy isn't enough anymore

things can really start to look up

rough patches are inevitable when changing, but it is so great to look up

drink it down

one glass of wine

then another

and another

to get through the stress

the problems

the anxiety

it probably isn't the healthiest thing to do

but self-medication is popular amongst many

including myself every once in a while

or maybe more

admit it?

no, never.

quit?

oh no not right now

it seems as if there is always too much going on

so the deal is, is it worth it to keep the vice?

hypocrisy

LAUSD wants to cut teachers pay

my question is

how many of the people working in offices, the people at the top of the food chain

how many of them are getting a pay cut

why are we so willing to cut budget where we need it the most

the classroom is the most important thing about school systems

these children are the future, however cliche that sounds

we need the best teachers more than ever

how is a pay cut encouraging that?

stroke of genius

I get inspiration in the strangest places, at the strangest times. Often driving in the car, when i have no way of writing down my thoughts. It's such a weird place to get inspiration. How to keep it in my brain while i drive is a thing that i have yet to master. I wish i could. i would have brought so much more creativity into this world if i did.

scars

the marks on my body are a part of me, like all of my experiences. they are scars.

and whether they are ugly or beautiful, they are mine.

the abuse of my last boyfriend, and the adoration of my current one.

the suicide of my father, and the death of my only father figure.

the love of my mother, and the narcissism of my grandmother.

the split-up of friendships, the making of new ones.

the rejection, and hope, love and dislike, new opportunities, missed opportunities, awkwardness, acceptance, and faith. it all marks a person. and my physical and emotional injuries mark me.

but the good things do too

finding family

i know my mom is my family. she's been amazing and wonderful and present. when i look at my friends, i feel like i have someone who is there for me. and i look into the eyes of my boyfriend, Alex. I know i have something special. I have someone who loves me, unconditionally. Someone who can be my lover, and my best friend. how often do you find that? i know that in my boyfriend i have also found family. a person who is always there for me. someone who has let me into their life. someone who can share anything with me and who i can share anything with. my friends, my boyfriend, my mom. people i could and would never let go. they are my family. i can be in my boyfriends eyes and know that i'm home. how precious is that feeling? some will never know the value in that, but i do. that amazing elation, the sense of love without requirement. it's something that has no price and i wouldn't give it up for anything.

new lives

new job can equal new life.

i have a lot of respect and appreciation for my current bosses and the way they treat me, but the striving for something better, is refreshing. i can't wait to get the things i strive for. a business, a home of my own, a better education, a life i can't get away from in the best way possible. fabulous, new, amazing possibilities. yay for that

the way you look

it amazes me how much appearance makes a difference on how you feel about yourself. losing weight, adding tattoos, changing hair, getting surgery. it all makes a difference. being comfortable with yourself changes everything. i try my best, but it's difficult. but at least i try

Elemental strength

the power of nature is so strong, and the dormancy is something we take advantage of.

the wind could knock us over

the waves could sweep us away

the sun could scorch our bodies

the rain could drench our bones

there is so much that nature could do to damage us

we're just lucky to not be in the line of fire

one line poem2

the girl looking out the window sees all, but feels nothing.

charm bracelet

what would you put on your charm bracelet? all of the little things that would add up to represent you.

a heart

a pomeranian

a book

a pen

a teal, hot pink, and white bead

a bow

a leaf

a dove

a vial with fairy dust

an ink well

a bell

a mirror

a hug, if that was possible

lips

a whale

a pocketwatch

something disney

a plane or train ticket

the letter A

a teabag

a wine glass

a bow and arrow

a pair of handcuffs

a pearl

a diamond

a stiletto shoe

a candle

a key

a lock

a koi

the moon

lace

an orchid

what would yours be?